The lyrics of BTS Suga helped the female fans revive the spirit of intense living  in  News

Back by:  HyonJoo.Kim  on  September 14, 2018 08:21 AM

The lyrics of BTS Suga helped the female fans revive the spirit of intense living

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"From birth, I've always been overweight. But I do not hate my body at all, anyway I grow up to be a novelist. I am happy enough with the imaginary characters in my mind, I do not like to be desperate for my fat belly.
And so, I do not understand the anorexic patients. Why do they have to make themselves tormented by the phobia they created themselves? There are many beautiful stories out there. I thought so, and also did not expect that I later also suffer from the disease as they did.
I grew up, no longer elementary school students, but high school students, gradually get used to the uniforms. Suddenly, the girls were interested in their looks, and the boys were gossiping about the looks behind them. I, a fat boy, became the subject of secret talks and the skinny girl became the wish of so many other girls.
That made me look back at my body in the mirror. In the mirror, our bodies are different from what society out there recognizes. I gradually got an aversion to my body. I walked away from the mirrors and always wore black and baggy clothes.
Then I went to high school. I suffered so much that I lost 5kg, 159cm and weighed 59kg. I suddenly feel happy. Am I crazy when I'm happy because the bones are high behind the arm? With that momentum, I enjoy the diet more and more.
My weight fell every day. 49, 48, 47, then cut the sugar in the meal, 46, 45, just eat vegetables, I am still not satisfied with my weight. 44, 45, fasting for more days, 42, 41, 40, and then only drinking water.
I experienced that dark hell for half a year. I thought it was happy, as the result was a thin arm and an ankle waistline as I have seen on the internet. But my strength is like the tide is drained, I find it difficult to travel. The first time in my life suddenly realized I have anorexia.
39, 38, 37, I suddenly realize that I can not let any fat on my body. I do not eat out with friends like before, the relationship is as messy as the sheets, my study too. I have no interest in eating as before. I continued living with 300 calories a day, eating only one banana per meal. If I eat too much, I will self-vomit.
One day, when I put my head on the toilet and saw blood coming from my throat, I burst into tears, tears streaming down my face.

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The life I dreamed of was gone. The chubby girl who has been fascinated with novels has now become obsessed with weight, clamped her limbs and checked her fat every day, forcing herself to vomit when overeating and jogging. 5 hours a day. I can not hold the pen to the story as in the past, even if only a short line.
I became a school senior. I force myself to gain weight for a balanced body. I comfort myself, then threatened myself again when weighing up to 48, I cried a lot. I became healthier than before, but actually, I thought I was a pig. It's hard to focus on learning. Yonsei University is my long-lost dream, but my grades have always fallen like my weight every day. The teacher said that my chances of getting into top universities in Seoul were really low.
I really want to die. My weight has really increased, but that obsessive eating addiction still clings to me. I count the number of calories and my nutrients every day. I always take pictures with my body and check my body fat. It's been a long time since the other things have faded in my mind. (T / N: The mind is focused on losing weight so it has not paid attention to the sideline for a long time.) I can not focus on reading the novels I used to love. I might be going to college. I will never set my dreams. My life is hell. I should go die.

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Then I put myself on Youtube. If I did not go to Youtube at that time, maybe I'm dead now. In the suggested videos, I saw a mixtape of a member in BTS. It's called 'Agust D' by Suga. At the time, I really thought about how to commit suicide after watching the video.
It was really a surprise to me when I heard his song. He is telling the story of life through every word, through every word of the song. He decided to go to Seoul, had a shoulder injury during a motorcycle trip while working as a trainee, but continued to strive and endure every day. He used to sleep on the bathroom floor and stay up late to make music. I began to feel my pain as nothing.
I started listening to his life story and the last song on the mixtape really surprised me. He is stuck in a non-stop working life and conditions are extremely short. He suffered from depression and also wanted to leave his life. My story and he are similar, so I get more interested in him and hear the songs until the end.

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Not directly spoken, but through each word, it seems that he has overcome the pain in the past. "Now I'm okay, damn it!" In his ferocious voice, he had a powerful voice. I escaped from Youtube and thought this man probably had a much more miserable life than me in the past, and I could have overcome this pain, did not I?
I tossed the phone to the floor, the front camera flashed. I was shivering because of the cold sweat. If I stop shooting for my body, my obsession would be better, right? I hope so. I push myself forward and throw away the calorie log in the trash.
It's been 7 months since then and I'm no longer suffering from anorexia.
Every day, I fight with my anorexia. I always pay attention to the backbone of my arm when learning vocabulary and feel better after working out. If I feel the anorexia drags on, I will open the mixtape to listen. Every day. And then I belong to the lyrics. I belong to the rhythm, the melody deep in the blood, the lyrics flow from the lips, I rap to him, and find the balance of life in the old days.
Now, I was able to read the novels I loved, even though I did not have as much time as high school. My September subjects also did not have any under grade 2, fortunately. Sometimes I eat too much, sometimes forget to eat, but the only flag, not haunt the weight as before. I feel good with my 51kg weight. What I need to do is learn diligently for the future. I am planning to apply to Yonsei University or Joongang University. I do not know if I can go in, but my grades are good, and the teacher also motivates me a lot.
If I had the chance to meet Suga - well, meet Min Yoongi - I want to thank him really. Thank him for not giving up on the way of music, thank him for trying to overcome those difficult days, and making himself, Min Yoongi, aware that his lyrics Touch me, and thank him for being a teacher and teaching me about life.
It's hard to meet Min Yoongi, so I hope he reads this article. I hope he knows that his music, a painful person, saved the lives of other achievers. I will continue to listen to his music and feel more. If I were at Yonsei University, it would be thanks to him. I will pray for him every day and for my part, I will live the whole beautiful moments of life so that later I do not have to regret it. I am really grateful to him and I hope he is happy.
To everyone who is reading this article, I hope you will always overcome your difficulties and become happier. Thanks for reading my article.

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